They Blinded me with SCIENCE!

Ah, the science fair. Or as I like to call it, the 2 hour event where my children run around and look at everyone ELSE's project (especially if there is a volcano involved) while I stand like an idiot in front of their project explaining to all the OTHER children who aren't at THEIR projects how a PAPER CLIP CAN FLOAT (hint: It's called Surface Tension)

WHY WHY WHY???? I know they think it's cool! I know they love to participate. One year, the 4th graders made a CATAPULT and you can imagine how that went over with the teachers (like the proverbial lead balloon...as a matter of fact, I think they tried to launch a lead balloon along with a sandwich, a sneaker and about a thousand other things).

Meanwhile, the parents stand around socializing, complaining about the heat and the noise and the crazy kids and for GOD'S SAKE, is it 8:30 ALREADY SO WE CAN GO HOME???

Meanwhile the principal, God love her, goes around to each child's project and asks them to explain what they did. She then hands them a trophy and a certificate which is cherished and then stuck on the shelf to collect dust with all the other unwarranted trophies (but more about that ANOTHER time! I have TWO trophies, one I got for coming in third in a ski race and the other from a video I produced in college. My 10 year old has, oh lets see, about TEN!)

All for the love of science. I sure hope someone ELSE is growing mold this year! I just lOVE seeing those crusty pieces of bread and cheese with green and blue fuzz all over them. When I did a science fair in Jr. High School, I remember a friend did a disection of a fetal pig (my poor mother picked the wrong day to bring me a ham sandwich for lunch!) There will be the obligatory baking soda volcanoes, about a thousand Tornadoes in a Bottle, a few lemon/potato-powered clocks (they never seem to work, do they?) Then there will be my 10 year old with his Lego Robotics crew. They've programmed the robot to disco dance to the C&C Music Factory song "Gonna Make You Sweat". My 7 year old will be demonstrating how to make the paper clips float.

For this I am giving up a night of Survivor??