The first rule of book club is…there is no book club.
The second rule of book club is…THERE IS NO BOOK CLUB!!!
Sorry, couldn’t resist that Fight Club reference.
Yes, I’m in a book club. There are many great things about being in a book club. I love to read. Being in a monthly book club FORCES me to read a different book every month. No matter how much crap television I watch, I must make time to finish the book club book. (I’ll wedge it in between “Lost” and “Wildest Wedding Show Moments 2”)
Being in a book club also means reading books you wouldn’t ordinarily read. I doubt I would have read any of the books that Oprah recommends (I’m difficult that way!) but if someone else recommends them, I’ll give it a shot. I never read “A Tree Grows In Brooklyn” till Fitfreak picked it (READ IT!) I also would not have read “The Kite Runner (READ IT!), Mystic River (READ IT!), Dogs of Babel (DON’T BOTHER).
Which brings me to my next point. Sometimes you’ll hate the books that people pick. Sometimes you’ll love them. Sometimes you’ll have to defend your choices (DRESS YOUR FAMILY IN CORDEROY AND DENIM!) Sometimes you’ll have to defend the choices of others (WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN). You’ll find yourself in the middle of controversy (A MILLION LITTLE PIECES). You’ll find yourself with a book you could never hope to finish (READING LOLITA IN TEHRAN…by the way I want those 6 hours of my life back. And that was just 3 CHAPTERS!!!)
I could go on and on about the great and not so great books we have read but I really don’t want to waste your time. Which brings me to my next point.
Now that I am in a book club, I am receiving regular emails from GoodReads.com Okay, my mistake for signing onto this site that lets you list all the books you have read and see what books your friends are reading. You can rate them, post reviews, etc. After my initial sign-up, I realized that if I was constantly updating the site with the books I read, I WOULD NEVER HAVE TIME TO READ ANOTHER BOOK!
Yet, I get these daily emails saying “Kim is currently reading ‘People of the Book’” “Amy is currently reading “The Secret Life of Bees’”. “Julianne has added 20 new books since YESTERDAY”. “COME ON SLACKER, WHERE ARE YOUR LIST OF BOOKS?????
Okay, I didn’t really get that last message from Good Reads but that is the implication when I get this barrage of emails lording my friends’ book lists over my head. You know what? I don’t CARE what you are reading! If I want to know, I’ll ASK YOU! If you REALLY love your book, feel free to RECOMMEND it to me. But pick up the PHONE and tell me!
Sorry GoodReads, too much pressure, it’s time to unsubscribe.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I'm Crushin' on Ya!
The first time I heard the term "mommy crush" was when Fitfreak and I went to see "Gone Baby Gone" (yes, it was during the DAY!)
"I'm replacing Matt Damon with Casey Affleck for my Mommy Crush" she said. I didn't ask her to explain, what hausfrau doesn't have a tiny crush on one of the many faces we see on reality television, primetime drama or the pages of our favorite supermarket rag (InTouch, OK!, People, US, take your pick)
Most of my friends have confided their mommy crushes to me at one time or another. "D" has it bad for Matthew Fox. Cynic67 wouldn't mind a little face time with Brody Jenner. Another wants a piece of either Chris Cornell or Josh Groban (yeah, you figure that one out...)
Even Mr. Flossy would spend time on a deserted island (if I weren't available of course) with MARILYN VOS SAVANT. You know...the BRAINIAC FROM PARADE MAGAZINE!!! "Ask Marilyn" as in "ask Marilyn the square root of the quadratic pi equation via the theory of relativity." While you're at it, ask her why you can't get a date????!!!! Of all the hot women in the world, my husband wants to be stranded with a computer with tits. Lovely. (My pick for the island was George Clooney, he's SOOO much more than just a pretty face!)
But I digress. Getting back to the mommy crush... There have been several names on my list from Mr. Clooney to Russell Crowe (we share the same birthday you know!) to Viggo Mortensen to countless others. But lately, my mommy crush has headed in a different direction altogether.
I have a crush...on a GAY MAN!
First let me provide FULL DISCLOSURE! The first man I ever loved (or thought I did) the one that took my virginity turned out to be GAY! He wasn't gay when we were together (and NO I didn't TURN him gay as you thoughtless people have voiced in the past. I prefer to think of it as no other woman EVER measuring up to me, so why bother?) We were together our freshman year of college, he asked me to MARRY him for God's sake (of course I would have had to convert to Catholicism, his mother never approved of me because I was Protestant. You can bet she wishes she had my Protestant ass back NOW!!!)
We broke up the end of our freshman year, and when I returned from a semester abroad during my junior year my roommates couldn't WAIT to tell me that he was now playing for the other team. Granted, I went to Emerson College, if you're not gay going in you will probably be gay coming out (get it??? COMING OUT???)
But again, I digress. Mister First-Love-Turned-Fag and I are still very good friends and he is living with a fabulous man who works for the Academy of Motion Pictures.
My newest mommy crush is Rami, from Project Runway. I really don't know what it is that gets me. The little hint of his Israeli accent? His gleaming bald head? The fact that he could drape jersey on a 300 lb gorilla and make her look like a star? MAYBE IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE! Last week they showed Rami getting ready for the next challenge wearing only a TOWEL! ARRGHHH! He doesn't lisp, he has a great body, he wears t-shirts and just-tight-enough but not too tight jeans. In my mommy crush fantasy I know I could sway him to the other team! Rami, this mommy wants a piece of your salami!
But when you get right down to it, it's really not a sexual thing at all. I just want him to be my gay BFF, like Carrie Bradshaw had her Stanton in Sex and the City. Or maybe like Julia Roberts and Rupert Everett in My Best Friend's Wedding. I want him to drape ME in Jersey (though then I'd be a JERSEY COW!) But you see, I've been down this road before. For a while, I was DESPERATE for Clinton Kelly from What Not To Wear to be my best gay friend. I wanted him to give me fashion advice and lurk through stores with me, making snarky comments about what other people are wearing. In Clinton's absence, I have to rely on Cynic67 to fill the void. (She's got killer fashion style and can snark with the best of them!)
So my gay-mommy-crush for Rami will pass, as soon as Project Runway is over and I've moved onto someone different. Maybe I'd better rent a nice butch movie like Die Hard 12 or 300 to get this mommy-crush back on the straight track!
"I'm replacing Matt Damon with Casey Affleck for my Mommy Crush" she said. I didn't ask her to explain, what hausfrau doesn't have a tiny crush on one of the many faces we see on reality television, primetime drama or the pages of our favorite supermarket rag (InTouch, OK!, People, US, take your pick)
Most of my friends have confided their mommy crushes to me at one time or another. "D" has it bad for Matthew Fox. Cynic67 wouldn't mind a little face time with Brody Jenner. Another wants a piece of either Chris Cornell or Josh Groban (yeah, you figure that one out...)
Even Mr. Flossy would spend time on a deserted island (if I weren't available of course) with MARILYN VOS SAVANT. You know...the BRAINIAC FROM PARADE MAGAZINE!!! "Ask Marilyn" as in "ask Marilyn the square root of the quadratic pi equation via the theory of relativity." While you're at it, ask her why you can't get a date????!!!! Of all the hot women in the world, my husband wants to be stranded with a computer with tits. Lovely. (My pick for the island was George Clooney, he's SOOO much more than just a pretty face!)
But I digress. Getting back to the mommy crush... There have been several names on my list from Mr. Clooney to Russell Crowe (we share the same birthday you know!) to Viggo Mortensen to countless others. But lately, my mommy crush has headed in a different direction altogether.
I have a crush...on a GAY MAN!
First let me provide FULL DISCLOSURE! The first man I ever loved (or thought I did) the one that took my virginity turned out to be GAY! He wasn't gay when we were together (and NO I didn't TURN him gay as you thoughtless people have voiced in the past. I prefer to think of it as no other woman EVER measuring up to me, so why bother?) We were together our freshman year of college, he asked me to MARRY him for God's sake (of course I would have had to convert to Catholicism, his mother never approved of me because I was Protestant. You can bet she wishes she had my Protestant ass back NOW!!!)
We broke up the end of our freshman year, and when I returned from a semester abroad during my junior year my roommates couldn't WAIT to tell me that he was now playing for the other team. Granted, I went to Emerson College, if you're not gay going in you will probably be gay coming out (get it??? COMING OUT???)
But again, I digress. Mister First-Love-Turned-Fag and I are still very good friends and he is living with a fabulous man who works for the Academy of Motion Pictures.
My newest mommy crush is Rami, from Project Runway. I really don't know what it is that gets me. The little hint of his Israeli accent? His gleaming bald head? The fact that he could drape jersey on a 300 lb gorilla and make her look like a star? MAYBE IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE! Last week they showed Rami getting ready for the next challenge wearing only a TOWEL! ARRGHHH! He doesn't lisp, he has a great body, he wears t-shirts and just-tight-enough but not too tight jeans. In my mommy crush fantasy I know I could sway him to the other team! Rami, this mommy wants a piece of your salami!
But when you get right down to it, it's really not a sexual thing at all. I just want him to be my gay BFF, like Carrie Bradshaw had her Stanton in Sex and the City. Or maybe like Julia Roberts and Rupert Everett in My Best Friend's Wedding. I want him to drape ME in Jersey (though then I'd be a JERSEY COW!) But you see, I've been down this road before. For a while, I was DESPERATE for Clinton Kelly from What Not To Wear to be my best gay friend. I wanted him to give me fashion advice and lurk through stores with me, making snarky comments about what other people are wearing. In Clinton's absence, I have to rely on Cynic67 to fill the void. (She's got killer fashion style and can snark with the best of them!)
So my gay-mommy-crush for Rami will pass, as soon as Project Runway is over and I've moved onto someone different. Maybe I'd better rent a nice butch movie like Die Hard 12 or 300 to get this mommy-crush back on the straight track!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
More bizzare signs and misspellings....
Doe-E-Duck Coffee and Donuts
I Wanna Hold Your Hand Nail Salon
Menu - "All items includ in dinner" - a Japanese restaurant
I have the right to be ANNOYED
My husband's car is in the shop for the 4th time in as many weeks. The last few times the dealership gave him a loaner. How nice of them. Today...... they had no loaners. I am the loaner today. Keep in mind that I have three busy, healthy (thankfully), active kids who want to do SOMETHING today. It's FEBRUARY vacation!!! We had plans to see the grandparents and Grandpa was going to assist the 7 year old with his pine wood derby car, and then after the lovely visit with grandparents it was off to take the kids to look at the ocean and take a stroll through the picturesque harbor. Instead, I am fielding requests for other things......
I have no car. I have no car. I have no car. I have no car. I'm on friggin auto-repeat! I HAVE NO CAR TO DRIVE YOU ANYWHERE AND/OR PICK UP ANY FRIENDS TO COME HERE.
Really, though, I am not mad at them. It's not their fault. It's not my fault. It's not my husbands fault. It's the FAULT of the friggin dealership who can't seem to fix a brand new car! For the FOURTH time. WTF????
Jeez, I mean I am quite sure that a car is not exactly like fixing a toaster, but it sure ain't brain surgery either. Figure it out people! Fix his car! Fix it, fix it, fix it!
OR....You Will Have One Angry And Raging Haus Frau To Deal With! Don't push me....I have PMS too.
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