Okay, from the title you are probably thinking I'm going to post something about the effects of beans on my digestive track. And while I could certainly write PAGES about that (and my kids and husband would be more than willing to add their 2 cents!) I'm going in another direction entirely.
I thought I created a word today, but I just discovered its in the Urban Dictionary. Still a great word though: Gashole. People who drive oversized cars without merit are gas-wasting assholes, or gasholes for short. Not to be confused with Massachusetts assholes or Massholes, a word I learned when I moved here for college.
I know, I'm a hypocrite, I used to drive an SUV and now I have a mini-van. (And hey, I live in Massachusetts, does that make me a Masshole Gashole?)
I suggested we go with a more fuel efficient station wagon when our Ford Explorer bit the dust, but my hubby felt with all the friends we're toting to activities and such, the mini-van was the way to go (and I LOVE IT! You should see how COOL I am driving it around suburbia listening to Eminem and My Chemical Romance! Yeah man!)
I'm really talking about those damn Humvees. Why would someone want to drive something that gets two tenths of a mile to the gallon? Okay, in the Sunni Triangle you might need one to protect your ass and crush any insurgents that might stray in your path. But on the suburban south shore??? You just have to ask yourself WWAGS? (What Would Al Gore Say?) I keep seeing one around town that's a lovely shade of banana. Like we wouldn't notice you otherwise?
There's a school of thought that men that drive these things are, ahem, lacking in other areas. But what about the women? Would the female humvee driver be someone who is insecure about a lack of a rack, or are things not what they should be below the equator?
I can only feel slightly smug that my husband's somewhat gas-efficient Saturn is still plugging away after 11 years and more than 300,000 MILES! When it dies, maybe we should think about a humvee! That's it, sell the house, live in the "V" and pop in on friends and family to use the bathroom. The kids'll love it!
Speaking of gas, when you go to fill your tank be sure to use the station in the center of Hanover (across from Briggs stables). It's owned by a Hanover family and I notice they really try to keep gas under $3.00 a gallon when other stations are way over that.
Oh, and by the way, the Urban Dictionary has several other definitions of gashole, including people who talk non-stop about nothing and kids who light their farts on fire. There is, however, an image of a man standing next to a BANANA YELLOW HUMVEE! So there!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Gal pals
On and off over the years my hubby and I have debated the idea of our family moving closer to his work. (He has a long commute.) I have dug my heels in and said no in every possible way. I tried to explain to him the incredible relationships I have made with many at home haus fraus (and working haus fraus) while living in our little town. I know that if I needed anyone, at anytime to help me or my family, at least 10 gal pals would be there for me in a flash. This safety net/support group is something to be honored, celebrated and appreciated! It's not easy to be a wife and mother in this world. It's a lot of ups and downs....... sometimes more ups and sometimes more downs. But no matter what, on this rollercoaster of life, we have our friends. I can't imagine where I would be without these sisters of domesticity by my side. And for that I am forever grateful!
To our readers......
Flossy and I are so appreciative that you take time out of your hectic day to read our thoughts, rants, raves and confessions. We love to hear from you and keep in mind.....it's anonymous when you post your comments. (we might try to figure out who is bashing us....but whatever...)
Stay tough, stay smart, stay sexy!
Your fellow haus frau, Fitfreak.
Talkin' the Walk
I just returned from an hour walk with a good friend of mine and came to a realization. Walking is really good for you! Okay, I don't mean just physically, though it is probably lower impact than step or aerobics, but taking a brisk walk with a good friend is good for your body, your mind and your soul.
First of all, being outside is soooooo much better than being inside (unless its pouring or 10 below...even with the Sleeping Bag coat, that's asking a bit much.) My walks usually take me along open fields, woods and through quiet, pretty neighborhoods. Nature is all around. Yes, you have to keep your eyes open (Hmm...pile of pine cones or pile of dog sh*t?). The other day while walking with Fitfreak I saw an unusual nest hanging from a tree (it looked like a testicle...I called it a nesticle...)
But the best part of walking with friends isn't just the physical benefit of getting fresh air and exercising my body. It gives me quality time to bond with my friend about what's going on in our lives, what we are thinking or feeling, how to solve issues or problems. It's like free therapy while you burn calories (maybe therapists should try this, take their clients on a walk for an hour or install a treadmill in their office!) Sure we could talk on the phone, but then there's the guilt we suffer about feeling like we need to be more productive while the kids are in school, get another load of laundry done or pay the bills or get the roast in the crock pot. Walking with a friend is multi-tasking at its best!
I've learned more about my friend's family histories from these walks than in all the time we've been friends (and some of that information would curl your hair, but of course I won't divulge...sorry!) We share what's going on in our lives, what we fear, what we love, what's important and what's trivial. We help each other put our lives in perspective, and we seem to open up in a way we never could in the confines of a gym or exercise class.
Yes, there are days when I like to sweat my ever-increasing ass off in a great spin class. I also like to walk alone at times with some kickass music blaring in my iPod (I have no one to blame for my hearing loss but myself!) But the walks I take with my good friends are the workouts that do more than just burn calories and tone muscles. And for that I am truly grateful.
First of all, being outside is soooooo much better than being inside (unless its pouring or 10 below...even with the Sleeping Bag coat, that's asking a bit much.) My walks usually take me along open fields, woods and through quiet, pretty neighborhoods. Nature is all around. Yes, you have to keep your eyes open (Hmm...pile of pine cones or pile of dog sh*t?). The other day while walking with Fitfreak I saw an unusual nest hanging from a tree (it looked like a testicle...I called it a nesticle...)
But the best part of walking with friends isn't just the physical benefit of getting fresh air and exercising my body. It gives me quality time to bond with my friend about what's going on in our lives, what we are thinking or feeling, how to solve issues or problems. It's like free therapy while you burn calories (maybe therapists should try this, take their clients on a walk for an hour or install a treadmill in their office!) Sure we could talk on the phone, but then there's the guilt we suffer about feeling like we need to be more productive while the kids are in school, get another load of laundry done or pay the bills or get the roast in the crock pot. Walking with a friend is multi-tasking at its best!
I've learned more about my friend's family histories from these walks than in all the time we've been friends (and some of that information would curl your hair, but of course I won't divulge...sorry!) We share what's going on in our lives, what we fear, what we love, what's important and what's trivial. We help each other put our lives in perspective, and we seem to open up in a way we never could in the confines of a gym or exercise class.
Yes, there are days when I like to sweat my ever-increasing ass off in a great spin class. I also like to walk alone at times with some kickass music blaring in my iPod (I have no one to blame for my hearing loss but myself!) But the walks I take with my good friends are the workouts that do more than just burn calories and tone muscles. And for that I am truly grateful.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
In the pursuit of perfection....
Are you satisfied with the way you look? Do you know any female who is? Do you worry and fret about everything that passes your lips??? Do you feel guilty after a good meal and a nice glass of wine or that tiny piece of chocolate?
Stop. Pause. Think. I truly cannot think of one person (sorry guys, this one is for ladies only!) who is happy with the way they look. Not one! We constantly diet, exercise ourselves into oblivion, pinch, purge, and splurge with a focus on a completely unattainable body image. I started to dwell on this, or more accurately to ponder this, after watching a new show on Lifetime, titled "How to Look Good Naked." It's a lovely show, hosted by Carson Kressley (of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy-Bravo fame). The name of the game is how women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful and should feel good about themselves....especially naked. How many of you feel good naked? Did you get married, have a few kids and still believe you should look like you did when you were 18??? What? Huh? You mean you can't always look like you did when you still semi-pubescent? No one told me my body would expand and contract like a moonwalk on a hot summer day!!!!!????
I believe that our culture has made it virtually impossible for women to accept and love themselves for who they are, at age 20, 30, 40 and up. I am slowly realizing that I cannot be the skinny hipped, big boobed (yup, I had a rack!) girl (emphasis on GIRL) that I once was many moons ago. Guess what- reality check for fitfreak- I am a semi-flat chested, bigger hipped, trunky legs haus frau and that's what happens when you grow up and have kids and become a WOMAN. I don't know anyone, ANYONE who looks like Gisele, Tyra, Heidi or Cindy? Do you????? Lets all give ourselves a big fat break (no pun intended). Stop over eating, stop under eating, stop putting your every flaw under a microscope. Get a reality check! You ain't what you used to be and that's OK!!!! Start living your life for who you are now and loving yourself!!!!!!
You've come a long way baby!
Stop. Pause. Think. I truly cannot think of one person (sorry guys, this one is for ladies only!) who is happy with the way they look. Not one! We constantly diet, exercise ourselves into oblivion, pinch, purge, and splurge with a focus on a completely unattainable body image. I started to dwell on this, or more accurately to ponder this, after watching a new show on Lifetime, titled "How to Look Good Naked." It's a lovely show, hosted by Carson Kressley (of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy-Bravo fame). The name of the game is how women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful and should feel good about themselves....especially naked. How many of you feel good naked? Did you get married, have a few kids and still believe you should look like you did when you were 18??? What? Huh? You mean you can't always look like you did when you still semi-pubescent? No one told me my body would expand and contract like a moonwalk on a hot summer day!!!!!????
I believe that our culture has made it virtually impossible for women to accept and love themselves for who they are, at age 20, 30, 40 and up. I am slowly realizing that I cannot be the skinny hipped, big boobed (yup, I had a rack!) girl (emphasis on GIRL) that I once was many moons ago. Guess what- reality check for fitfreak- I am a semi-flat chested, bigger hipped, trunky legs haus frau and that's what happens when you grow up and have kids and become a WOMAN. I don't know anyone, ANYONE who looks like Gisele, Tyra, Heidi or Cindy? Do you????? Lets all give ourselves a big fat break (no pun intended). Stop over eating, stop under eating, stop putting your every flaw under a microscope. Get a reality check! You ain't what you used to be and that's OK!!!! Start living your life for who you are now and loving yourself!!!!!!
You've come a long way baby!
Gifts that Keep on Giving!
Book club was a hoot the other night. It's usually a lot of fun, we discuss the book for about 20 minutes (unless there is no sex in the book in which case we discuss the book for 5 minutes!) Since it was January and at MY house, I decided to do a post-holiday Yankee Swap. Each book club member was directed to bring their most heinous gift received (this year or any other year). The results were HILARIOUS! Here are some of the items that were up for grabs!
1) A cookbook with nothing but Velveeta recipes
2) A nasty suncatcher of a demented owl!
3) Not one but TWO pre-packaged bath and body gift sets...the type that says "Hello! I couldn't be BOTHERED to think of anything you might actually LIKE, so I'm fulfilling my gift obligation with this!
4) A clock with a lighthouse on the face that chimes the hour with sounds of waves crashing and seagulls (I ENDED UP WITH THAT...BY CHOICE!)
5) A snowglobe that contains water, a golf tee and a golf ball! Get the Ball on the Tee! Hours of fun and frustration for the whole family!!!
6) An Ann Coulter book (don't get me started!) and a 2008 Ronald Reagan Calendar... 'nuff said!
And my personal favorite which wins the prize for the absolute WORST gift given...(drumroll please!)
A subscription to OUR STATE magazine. What's wrong with that? OUR STATE magazine is a magazine about NORTH CAROLINA! The recipient lives in PEMBROKE, MASSACHUSETTS!
This then lead into a 20 minute discussion about the giver's location in Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina (hey, that kind of rhymes-a!) We pretty much agreed that Fuquay-Varina sounded more like a vaginal disorder than a place to live (apologies if you live there, I'm sure it's lovely! Would you like a subscription to OUR STATE magazine???)
It just goes to show you never know how much the gift you give might keep on giving...LAUGHS that is!
1) A cookbook with nothing but Velveeta recipes
2) A nasty suncatcher of a demented owl!
3) Not one but TWO pre-packaged bath and body gift sets...the type that says "Hello! I couldn't be BOTHERED to think of anything you might actually LIKE, so I'm fulfilling my gift obligation with this!
4) A clock with a lighthouse on the face that chimes the hour with sounds of waves crashing and seagulls (I ENDED UP WITH THAT...BY CHOICE!)
5) A snowglobe that contains water, a golf tee and a golf ball! Get the Ball on the Tee! Hours of fun and frustration for the whole family!!!
6) An Ann Coulter book (don't get me started!) and a 2008 Ronald Reagan Calendar... 'nuff said!
And my personal favorite which wins the prize for the absolute WORST gift given...(drumroll please!)
A subscription to OUR STATE magazine. What's wrong with that? OUR STATE magazine is a magazine about NORTH CAROLINA! The recipient lives in PEMBROKE, MASSACHUSETTS!
This then lead into a 20 minute discussion about the giver's location in Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina (hey, that kind of rhymes-a!) We pretty much agreed that Fuquay-Varina sounded more like a vaginal disorder than a place to live (apologies if you live there, I'm sure it's lovely! Would you like a subscription to OUR STATE magazine???)
It just goes to show you never know how much the gift you give might keep on giving...LAUGHS that is!
Monday, January 7, 2008
Make 'Em Laugh!
I love that I can still make my husband laugh. The other night we were watching television together and an ad came on for the video release of the movie "3:10 to Yuma". That's the one with Christian Bale and Russell Crowe (they should call it "3:10 to Yummy"!) Anyway, as the ad progressed I said to my husband, "I'd like to see that." and he said "Me too" and I replied "It's Man Candy A-Go-Go!" whereupon he sprayed beer out of his nose and laughed for about 5 minutes straight.
It's nice when you can still do that after 12 years of marriage.
It's nice when you can still do that after 12 years of marriage.
Dine and Punishment
Like you, I indulged a bit over the post holiday season. Now, don't kid yourself....you know you had that extra glass of wine or second piece of cheesecake. It was the holiday season! You couldn't help yourself! And neither could I. But now...it's TIME TO PAY THE PIPER. Or.... it's time to get your fat butt in gear. The truth hurts.
Yup, even fitfreak has those times when the jeans are a little snug and the scale tips into the bad numbers. So, in an effort to scrape those pounds off, (and I mean scrape!) my BFF suggested a bikini bootcamp class at a local gym. No problem she said....some spinning, some weights, some abs. Right. I can handle that! I'm a trainer and a spin instructor for god's sakes! This should be a walk in the park.
It was PURE HELL. From the moment I got in there until the moment I left I could feel every muscle in my body screaming.....no, no, no! I sweated, grimaced, pushed myself past any point of complacency, I cried (ok, I didn't actually cry...but you get the drift). It was an amazing workout, it was exactly what I needed and I look forward to doing it again. Who knows, maybe by bikini season those holiday fat pads will be a thing of the past! Giddy up.....it's time to get in shape!
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