I was driving to my parents house yesterday with my kids in the car and listening to some of the LAMEST music on my iPod. I admit it, I am a junkie for bad 70's pop. Luckily for my kids, they had headphones tuned in to whatever DVD they were watching so they didn't have to listen to the sappy, syrupy music from my child/teen years.
As I listened to song after song, I marveled at the way that so many 70's pop songs told stories. Not just I-wanna-funk-ya-baby, but real stories with a begininng, a middle and an end. Here are some examples (apologies to some of my younger friends who won't recognize these ditties, those of you born around the early to mid 6o's will know what I'm talking about:
The Night Chicago Died - Kid and mom freak out when Pop the Cop gets caught up in Al Capone's Chicago showdown. All ends well.
Billy Don't Be A Hero - If you're foolish enough to go to war, don't VOLUNTEER to go on a dangerous mission! Doesn't end well for Billy and the fiancee is pissed that he didn't listen to her (she throws the letter away...)
Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Old Oak Tree - Guy gets out of prison, wants to know if his girlfriend still loves him (she does, goes to A.C. Moore with her 40% off coupon and buys out the yellow ribbon department!) Interesting how this was adapted for returning soldiers, not PRISONERS. How did that happen?
Harper Valley PTA - Don't remember the song, just the bad movie with Barbara Eden.
Ode to Billy Joe - Billy Joe McCallister jumps off the Tallahassee bridge because he developed a taste for dick (cut to Glynnis O'Connor weeping over Robby Benson's body.)
The Night The Lights Went out In Georgia - Somehow an innocent man was hung and there are bloodstains on the hands of the Georgia patrol. I think Kristy McNicol was in this movie...
Shannon - Someone's dog gets sucked out to sea, (hey, she always LOVED to swim away!)
Lonely Boy - Spoiled boy gets in a snit when his little sister is born, BOO HOO! Life sucks, get a helmet!
Run Joey Run - Girl gets knocked up, Dad goes on a murderous rampage against the boyfriend (uh, that would be JOEY), girl jumps in front of Joey to protect him, father guns down his own daughter (LOVELY!)
At Seventeen - Ugly, lonely pimpled girl bemoans her life because she SUDDENLY DISCOVERS THAT LIFE SUCKS FOR UGLY GIRLS? AGAIN, GET A HELMET! (actually, I kind of identified with this one...)
Go Away Little Girl - 7 Year old Donny Osmond is trying to fend off the attentions of some little girl because he ALREADY HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!! WTF???
My personal favorite:
Seasons in the Sun - Sorry Dad, Sory Michelle, time to die, but at least we'll have all those memories of our time in the sun. Maybe if he had used SPF 30 he wouldn't be dying.
There are many more out there, feel free to post your favorite on our comments page.
The 70's LIVE! (in my iPod that is!)
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
In the Hood
A friend emailed me this website and if you are a Mom....you MUST check it out. It is very funny. It's short little movies (4-5 minutes each) detailing all the ups and downs of life as a haus frau. I don't really like Jenny McCarthy, but she plays her role briliantly as a perfect mom.
Just something to brighten up your day!
www.inthemotherhood.com
Thursday, March 20, 2008
This just in from Mr. Flossy...
I've received this e-mail before, but my husband sent it to me again yesterday and suggested it for the blog. I take no credit for the writing, this was just a simple matter of cut and paste. But I applaud the meaning behind the story:
When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your fr iends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."!
When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your fr iends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Imaginary Friends
I count myself lucky that my children still believe in Santa Claus. I know the oldest is about to turn 10, but it warms my heart that he still wants to put out cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. Granted, the downside is that they still believe that Santa can bring any present to them, regardless of cost or availablity. (THANK GOD THEY DIDN'T ASK SANTA FOR THE Wii!!!) I can't tell you how many times I've heard them say, "That's okay Mommy, Santa MAKES the toys, it doesn't cost him ANYTHING!" I finally had to tell them that the elves make some of the toys and that Santa gets a bulk discount from Toys R' Us.
Let's not even discuss how Santa brings different things to different kids. At my house, Santa brings little trinkets in the stockings and one Holy Grail gift (like a Nintendo DS or a pricey Lego Set). At another friends house, the main haul is courtesy of the big guy. And another friend's kids get EVERY SINGLE GIFT from SANTA! If they are out of state, Santa leaves gifts in BOTH PLACES! Every gift that comes from their grandparents, cousins, parents or aunts is actually from SANTA, but the relative in question put the REQUEST to Santa on the child's behalf. Can you imagine what would happen if our kids all got together and compared notes?
But I digress.
My kids also still believe in the tooth fairy. This is less of a deal (both logistically and financially). They are both heavy sleepers so it is easy to sneak the tooth out from under the pillow and slide that dollar bill underneath. Again, this is not without its drawbacks... The one time I fell asleep and FORGOT to put the money under my son's pillow, he woke up, looked under his pillow and struggled not to cry. Luckily, the Super Bowl had been the previous night. I urged him to try putting his tooth under his pillow again and sure enough, the Tooth Fairy left him a note saying that too many kids had stayed up late to watch the Super Bowl and she hadn't gotten around to all the teeth in one night. She also doubled the amount of cash she normally left, just for his pain and suffering. He TOTALLY bought it! Phew! Again, the downside is that if either of my kids goes through my bra drawer, they will find a HUGE stash of baby teeth in various ziploc bags. Luckily, they are afraid of bras!
Then there's the Easter Bunny. Lucky for me, we spend every Easter at my mother's house, so she deals with the "bunny baskets" as she calls them. Some crayons, some play-doh, a few trinkets from the dollar store and a chocolate bunny and it's a done deal.
HOWEVER, THERE IS A NEW SILHOUETTE LOOMING ON THE HORIZON...
My son came home from school on Monday (that would be Monday, MARCH 17th!) and told me that a classmate instructed him to place ALL HIS SHOES by the bedside and the LEPRECHAUN would come and put CANDY AND MONEY IN HIS SHOES!!!
For the love of GOD! When does it end??? The elaborate ruse that we need to maintain in order to keep our children happy??? The delicate house of cards that requires only the tiniest tremor to bring it crashing down.
Here's the dictionary definition of leprechaun: "One of a race of elves in Irish folklore who can reveal hidden treasure to THOSE WHO CATCH THEM."
Okay kids, if you see a leprechaun running through our town, feel free to catch him and get what's coming to you. But if you think you can reap any kid of financial rewards from leaving your shoes exactly where I DON'T WANT THEM (in fact, right where I will trip over them when I come to kiss you goodnight!)YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING!
I refuse to get on board with a F%@%IN' LEPRECHAUN! That little green midget can kiss my Luck Charms!
Of course a friend of mine has been perpetrating this particular fraud for years. When they came home from skiing this past weekend, they discovered that "LUCKY" had knocked over chairs, scattered the throw rugs and left chocolate coins and green derbys strewn around the house.
Great, now I have to keep my kids away from her kids.
At least until after the Easter Bunny comes.
Let's not even discuss how Santa brings different things to different kids. At my house, Santa brings little trinkets in the stockings and one Holy Grail gift (like a Nintendo DS or a pricey Lego Set). At another friends house, the main haul is courtesy of the big guy. And another friend's kids get EVERY SINGLE GIFT from SANTA! If they are out of state, Santa leaves gifts in BOTH PLACES! Every gift that comes from their grandparents, cousins, parents or aunts is actually from SANTA, but the relative in question put the REQUEST to Santa on the child's behalf. Can you imagine what would happen if our kids all got together and compared notes?
But I digress.
My kids also still believe in the tooth fairy. This is less of a deal (both logistically and financially). They are both heavy sleepers so it is easy to sneak the tooth out from under the pillow and slide that dollar bill underneath. Again, this is not without its drawbacks... The one time I fell asleep and FORGOT to put the money under my son's pillow, he woke up, looked under his pillow and struggled not to cry. Luckily, the Super Bowl had been the previous night. I urged him to try putting his tooth under his pillow again and sure enough, the Tooth Fairy left him a note saying that too many kids had stayed up late to watch the Super Bowl and she hadn't gotten around to all the teeth in one night. She also doubled the amount of cash she normally left, just for his pain and suffering. He TOTALLY bought it! Phew! Again, the downside is that if either of my kids goes through my bra drawer, they will find a HUGE stash of baby teeth in various ziploc bags. Luckily, they are afraid of bras!
Then there's the Easter Bunny. Lucky for me, we spend every Easter at my mother's house, so she deals with the "bunny baskets" as she calls them. Some crayons, some play-doh, a few trinkets from the dollar store and a chocolate bunny and it's a done deal.
HOWEVER, THERE IS A NEW SILHOUETTE LOOMING ON THE HORIZON...
My son came home from school on Monday (that would be Monday, MARCH 17th!) and told me that a classmate instructed him to place ALL HIS SHOES by the bedside and the LEPRECHAUN would come and put CANDY AND MONEY IN HIS SHOES!!!
For the love of GOD! When does it end??? The elaborate ruse that we need to maintain in order to keep our children happy??? The delicate house of cards that requires only the tiniest tremor to bring it crashing down.
Here's the dictionary definition of leprechaun: "One of a race of elves in Irish folklore who can reveal hidden treasure to THOSE WHO CATCH THEM."
Okay kids, if you see a leprechaun running through our town, feel free to catch him and get what's coming to you. But if you think you can reap any kid of financial rewards from leaving your shoes exactly where I DON'T WANT THEM (in fact, right where I will trip over them when I come to kiss you goodnight!)YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING!
I refuse to get on board with a F%@%IN' LEPRECHAUN! That little green midget can kiss my Luck Charms!
Of course a friend of mine has been perpetrating this particular fraud for years. When they came home from skiing this past weekend, they discovered that "LUCKY" had knocked over chairs, scattered the throw rugs and left chocolate coins and green derbys strewn around the house.
Great, now I have to keep my kids away from her kids.
At least until after the Easter Bunny comes.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
INTERVENTION
I am going to stage an intervention for Flossy. I just cannot take one more phone call from her about how awful/sick/nasty she feels because of her addiction. What is her addiction you ask?
It's not drugs or alcohol, she's not bulimic or anorexic, bulanorex or even a sexaholic...its worse people, far worse. I have three words for you.....
Cadbury Mini-eggs.
Oh the horror, the sheer horror of it! I can just picture the Intervention right now. Candy would be there from the show as our facilitator. Mr. Flossy and the kids, all her other BFF's including Susan from London. I would be first to read my statement....
" Dear Flossy,
sniffle...sniffle....."You mean so much to me as a friend. It is so hard for me to stand by and watch you kill yourself day after day on those damn eggs. I know the lure of chocolate and I know the pain it can cause. Can't you learn from the pain of others? Take lessons from me, chocolate is NOT your friend....it's your ENEMY. Sure, those bags of eggs may come but once a year, and heck, that are so cute with their bright colors and oh, the rich creaminess of them slowly melting in your mouth, and I KNOW the thought of not seeing them for another full year makes you scratch your skin raw...but you must resist girlfriend! Resist, damn it!" full-blown tears now...even the hardened Candy is crying too. "You are a strong, self-reliant, tough woman! Do not allow yourself to fall any farther." Sob. Deep breath...quaking voice. Sob. "There is no winning against the pull of cadbury mini-eggs, you must seek a higher power and connect with others who share your weakness. Will you accept this gift of treatment?"
I'm telling you, she needs it. Hell, we all need it. Is there a food rehab?
"I don't wanna go to rehab, no, no, no............."
Girlfriends & Moms
Has anyone received that great e-mail about what girlfriends will do for other girlfriends in need (i.e., hold your hair when you puke, tell you what a rat bastard your ex-boyfriend is, give you the straight dope about how you look in a swimsuit, etc.) Girlfriends are great but MOM girlfriends ROCK!
A mom girlfriend will not think twice about throwing a coat over her pajamas and watching your kids while you rush your other kid to the ER.
A mom girlfriend drives you to the airport shuttle with a car full of kids on their way to hockey practice...even though it is miles out of her way.
A mom girlfriend will bring you gatorade, saltines, prescriptions or anything else you need from the store for your sick kid because she knows that tomorrow it might be her turn to be housebound.
A mom girlfriend will do the same with a cup of coffee when your husband takes your car cause his is in the shop.
A mom girlfriend will work out a carpool that works to your advantage, even if she gets nothing out of it for herself.
A mom girlfriend will listen patiently while you cry about the things that happen to your kids that break your heart (ie. the meanness of other kids on the bus/playground/soccer field, the attitude of your not-quite-teenager, the poor results on the MCAS, etc.)
A mom girlfriend will pass along her trashy magazines to you so you can enjoy the latest antics of Lindsay, Paris and Britney without having to shell out the $3.50 yourself.
A mom girlfriend always asks if you need anything from the grocery/drug/craft store.
A mom girlfriend will volunteer to watch your kids for that special night out when all other babysitting options have failed.
A mom girlfriend knows when you NEED a night out with the girls and will not take NO for an answer (and she is ALWAYS right!)
A mom girlfriend will never judge the decisions you make as a mother. She knows that each decision, no matter how small, may have serious consequences. She also knows that she may very well be in the same position herself one day and will need a mom girlfriend to support her.
This post is my tribute to my mom girlfriends. Without you I would not be the mom/woman/wife/person I am today! HERE'S TO YOU!
A mom girlfriend will not think twice about throwing a coat over her pajamas and watching your kids while you rush your other kid to the ER.
A mom girlfriend drives you to the airport shuttle with a car full of kids on their way to hockey practice...even though it is miles out of her way.
A mom girlfriend will bring you gatorade, saltines, prescriptions or anything else you need from the store for your sick kid because she knows that tomorrow it might be her turn to be housebound.
A mom girlfriend will do the same with a cup of coffee when your husband takes your car cause his is in the shop.
A mom girlfriend will work out a carpool that works to your advantage, even if she gets nothing out of it for herself.
A mom girlfriend will listen patiently while you cry about the things that happen to your kids that break your heart (ie. the meanness of other kids on the bus/playground/soccer field, the attitude of your not-quite-teenager, the poor results on the MCAS, etc.)
A mom girlfriend will pass along her trashy magazines to you so you can enjoy the latest antics of Lindsay, Paris and Britney without having to shell out the $3.50 yourself.
A mom girlfriend always asks if you need anything from the grocery/drug/craft store.
A mom girlfriend will volunteer to watch your kids for that special night out when all other babysitting options have failed.
A mom girlfriend knows when you NEED a night out with the girls and will not take NO for an answer (and she is ALWAYS right!)
A mom girlfriend will never judge the decisions you make as a mother. She knows that each decision, no matter how small, may have serious consequences. She also knows that she may very well be in the same position herself one day and will need a mom girlfriend to support her.
This post is my tribute to my mom girlfriends. Without you I would not be the mom/woman/wife/person I am today! HERE'S TO YOU!
Strange, gross and true....
My big sis lives overseas, in a large cosmopolitan city, in a semi-normal developed country. She's been there for 6 long years. I wish I could say she was moving home soon....but alas...she is moving on to yet another foreign city....far less cosmppolitan and still developing country.
This is her story...
"I was at the gym (our "super-elite" 7K a year gym) trotting along on my elliptical when the guy running on the treadmill next to me starting hawking and spitting ON THE TREADMILL like he was out on the track! I almost threw up! But, of course none of the natives even lifted an eyebrow. I could get really huffy about the level of civilization here, but have to keep in mind a little tidbit my hubby shared with me about something he noticed in the headquarters/office of his new job (this is in the new city they will be moving to). The bathrooms are well -signposted with notices begging people to "PLEASE USE THE TOILET PAPER." One can barely wrap one's mind around that. Maybe I should tattoo the Marine motto on my bicep with a slight twist - Semper Purellis."
So let's pause for a reflective prayer my fellow bloggers...."May God Bless the people of the United Sates of America....the best germphobes on the planet!" Now, don't even think of spitting on the treadmill or not using toilet paper, because I swear WE WILL KNOW and you WILL BE HUNTED DOWN LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE.
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