The Breast Day Ever!

What can you say about a day that begins with a mammogram at 6:20 a.m.? Imagine getting up at 5 a.m., still dark outside and the rest of your family sleeping peacefully in their beds, only to drive down to the medical building for the privilege of having your golden bozos manhandled and squished flat. You'd think everything after that would be a bed of roses.

However, I happened to mention to the technician (who was WAY too perky for 6:20 a.m.) that I had been having some...uh...dry skin on my...uh...center of my breast (okay, NIPPLES!) Okay, they itch like crazy! I wouldn't be too concerned about it except for the fact that I read a book where the main character dies a horrible death from Inflammatory Breast Cancer which manifests itself not in lumps but in RED, SOMETIMES ITCHY, BREASTS!

The technician suggested I check in with my doctor just to be safe. Now my favorite primary care physician left our practice and I have not yet seen my new doctor as of yet (what a nice introduction..."Hi, nice to meet you, check out my itchy nipples!") I opted to try my midwife who has done my yearly pap since the birth of my children. Sadly, she was not available and the nurse thought is best to see someone with an MD after their name. So I schlepped up to the doctor's office only to present my problem to an MD (who was, of course, a total stranger..."Hi, nice to meet you, check out my itchy nipples!)

She peeked and poked and prodded and then decided to SCRAPE OFF A SAMPLE TO VIEW UNDER A MICROSCOPE!!! If I thought having my boob squished was an unpleasant experience, it was nothing compared to having some utensil scrape dry skin off my nipple!

She thought it was strange that I would have such a condition in such an area. Typically, she said, it was something they saw in nursing mothers (ha ha!) She mentioned that I don't have it on any other part of my body, specifically in my "folds" (WTF??? I know I'm overweight but suddenly I have FOLDS?!?!?!) She prescribed antifungal cream or powder and a follow up with the dermatologist.

All in all, it was the breast day ever!