Sex In The Suburbs

Recently I attended a home party, and unlike others I had attended, the items being sold weren't kitchen tools, candles or jewelry. This was one of those "other" parties, the kind that encourages you to "...find your inner goddess..."

Yeah...it was a sex toy party. I went mostly out of curiosity (it was one of the few home parties I had never been to, along with Tastefully Simple, and I can assure you that this party was anything but tasteful OR simple...). I walked into my friend's house bearing an appetizer. All of the food had been placed on the kitchen table because the CENTER ISLAND WAS COVERED IN DILDOS!

Once everyone had arrived and settled in, the consultant gave a very straightforward and knowledgeable pitch about her...uh...items. My impression was that she considered herself something of a sex therapist. Her disclosure about her own sex life prior to becoming a goddess was a little bit TMI (I didn't need to hear that she was "dead down here" as she drew circular motions around her crotch with her hand, like some pornagraphic Vanna White), but she genuinely seemed to want to assist in any way.

One of the most popular items of the evening was something called The Sleeve. Gelatinous, pink and worm-like, our "goddess" assured us that this was something that would drive our husbands wild. This little gem was a multipurpos tool that would enhance the experience of those who preferred to pleasure their husbands orally (show of hands anyone???) and could also be used in a manner which could take the place of...um....uh...your mouth.

Using the item for the second method meant holding it in place at the base of your husbands member and pulling the stretchy other end WAY UP high, simulating the pressure of one's mouth or hands. The women at the party practically stampeded their way into the check out room to purchase this item (a steal at only $25!) and there was much concern and anger when the item ran out of stock and needed to be ordered.

Fast forward several months later. My "goddess" girlfriends were at book club and started comparing notes on The Sleeve. (which, by the way, I did NOT purchase!) One girlfriend mimed the elaborate motion needed to use the item, and complained that she practically tore her rotator cuff yanking it up and down.

Another girl friend said that her husband looked down during use and commented, "There is nothing good about this." There are also friction issues, a hideous sucking/slurping sound which accompanies the sleeve, and the danger of pinching pubic hair in the bargain.

My theory is that this little gem is a bestseller because it's
A) Priced at only $25, a bargain compared to some of the $100+ dildos and
B) Women think that they'll be able to get out of doing something they consider laborious on their husbands, only to be faced with doing something twice as tedious.

So if you find yourself at one of "those" parties, be sure to pass up The Sleeve. You'll thank me.