It's not drugs or alcohol, she's not bulimic or anorexic, bulanorex or even a sexaholic...its worse people, far worse. I have three words for you.....
Cadbury Mini-eggs.
Oh the horror, the sheer horror of it! I can just picture the Intervention right now. Candy would be there from the show as our facilitator. Mr. Flossy and the kids, all her other BFF's including Susan from London. I would be first to read my statement....
" Dear Flossy,
sniffle...sniffle....."You mean so much to me as a friend. It is so hard for me to stand by and watch you kill yourself day after day on those damn eggs. I know the lure of chocolate and I know the pain it can cause. Can't you learn from the pain of others? Take lessons from me, chocolate is NOT your friend....it's your ENEMY. Sure, those bags of eggs may come but once a year, and heck, that are so cute with their bright colors and oh, the rich creaminess of them slowly melting in your mouth, and I KNOW the thought of not seeing them for another full year makes you scratch your skin raw...but you must resist girlfriend! Resist, damn it!" full-blown tears now...even the hardened Candy is crying too. "You are a strong, self-reliant, tough woman! Do not allow yourself to fall any farther." Sob. Deep breath...quaking voice. Sob. "There is no winning against the pull of cadbury mini-eggs, you must seek a higher power and connect with others who share your weakness. Will you accept this gift of treatment?"
I'm telling you, she needs it. Hell, we all need it. Is there a food rehab?
"I don't wanna go to rehab, no, no, no............."
5 comments:
Ironic isn't it that the name of the Interventor (?) is CANDY!!!
She is a FACILITATOR for gawd's sake!
"Candy, candy, candy I can't let ya gooooo....."
"Isn't ironic, dont cha think?...."
OMG Flossy... I think WE are the only ones who read our blogs. Whatever...we are funny as hell!
People don't know what they're missing...and FYI, Mr. Flossy reads our blog every day!
So do I.
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