I'm Crushin' on Ya!

The first time I heard the term "mommy crush" was when Fitfreak and I went to see "Gone Baby Gone" (yes, it was during the DAY!)

"I'm replacing Matt Damon with Casey Affleck for my Mommy Crush" she said. I didn't ask her to explain, what hausfrau doesn't have a tiny crush on one of the many faces we see on reality television, primetime drama or the pages of our favorite supermarket rag (InTouch, OK!, People, US, take your pick)

Most of my friends have confided their mommy crushes to me at one time or another. "D" has it bad for Matthew Fox. Cynic67 wouldn't mind a little face time with Brody Jenner. Another wants a piece of either Chris Cornell or Josh Groban (yeah, you figure that one out...)

Even Mr. Flossy would spend time on a deserted island (if I weren't available of course) with MARILYN VOS SAVANT. You know...the BRAINIAC FROM PARADE MAGAZINE!!! "Ask Marilyn" as in "ask Marilyn the square root of the quadratic pi equation via the theory of relativity." While you're at it, ask her why you can't get a date????!!!! Of all the hot women in the world, my husband wants to be stranded with a computer with tits. Lovely. (My pick for the island was George Clooney, he's SOOO much more than just a pretty face!)

But I digress. Getting back to the mommy crush... There have been several names on my list from Mr. Clooney to Russell Crowe (we share the same birthday you know!) to Viggo Mortensen to countless others. But lately, my mommy crush has headed in a different direction altogether.

I have a crush...on a GAY MAN!

First let me provide FULL DISCLOSURE! The first man I ever loved (or thought I did) the one that took my virginity turned out to be GAY! He wasn't gay when we were together (and NO I didn't TURN him gay as you thoughtless people have voiced in the past. I prefer to think of it as no other woman EVER measuring up to me, so why bother?) We were together our freshman year of college, he asked me to MARRY him for God's sake (of course I would have had to convert to Catholicism, his mother never approved of me because I was Protestant. You can bet she wishes she had my Protestant ass back NOW!!!)

We broke up the end of our freshman year, and when I returned from a semester abroad during my junior year my roommates couldn't WAIT to tell me that he was now playing for the other team. Granted, I went to Emerson College, if you're not gay going in you will probably be gay coming out (get it??? COMING OUT???)

But again, I digress. Mister First-Love-Turned-Fag and I are still very good friends and he is living with a fabulous man who works for the Academy of Motion Pictures.

My newest mommy crush is Rami, from Project Runway. I really don't know what it is that gets me. The little hint of his Israeli accent? His gleaming bald head? The fact that he could drape jersey on a 300 lb gorilla and make her look like a star? MAYBE IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE! Last week they showed Rami getting ready for the next challenge wearing only a TOWEL! ARRGHHH! He doesn't lisp, he has a great body, he wears t-shirts and just-tight-enough but not too tight jeans. In my mommy crush fantasy I know I could sway him to the other team! Rami, this mommy wants a piece of your salami!

But when you get right down to it, it's really not a sexual thing at all. I just want him to be my gay BFF, like Carrie Bradshaw had her Stanton in Sex and the City. Or maybe like Julia Roberts and Rupert Everett in My Best Friend's Wedding. I want him to drape ME in Jersey (though then I'd be a JERSEY COW!) But you see, I've been down this road before. For a while, I was DESPERATE for Clinton Kelly from What Not To Wear to be my best gay friend. I wanted him to give me fashion advice and lurk through stores with me, making snarky comments about what other people are wearing. In Clinton's absence, I have to rely on Cynic67 to fill the void. (She's got killer fashion style and can snark with the best of them!)

So my gay-mommy-crush for Rami will pass, as soon as Project Runway is over and I've moved onto someone different. Maybe I'd better rent a nice butch movie like Die Hard 12 or 300 to get this mommy-crush back on the straight track!