Oh Modesty, Where Art Thou?

I decided to bite the bullet and face humiliation today by returning to Weight Watchers. I say returning because I have been on and off Weight Watchers about a hundred times. Each time they welcome me back to the fold like the prodigal son (or in this case, daughter). No need to kill the fatted calf, I AM the fatted calf (okay, more like a COW!) So I went back today knowing that I'm up at least 8 lbs from the LAST time I was there (uh, THANKSGIVING!) and knowing that no matter how sympathetic those SKINNY BITCHES WHO WEIGH YOU are, there would still be humiliation on my part.

Sister, you have NO IDEA!

Now when I go to Weight Watchers, I usually wear the least amount of clothes possible. You have to wear socks according to the health code, so I usually dress myself in bike shorts, socks and a workout top. Many times I go to WW right from the gym, so dressing this way is no hardship for me. I throw on a pair of track pants and a sweatshirt to keep out the cold (hey, it IS January, even with Global Warming!) Today I was chatting with the woman behind the counter, kicking my sneakers off, removing my fur vest and started pulling my pants DOWN TO ME KNEES BEFORE I REALIZED I WAS NOT WEARING BIKE SHORTS UNDERNEATH!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Luckily, I was wearing underwear...clean underwear...no holes...

Now the half dozen women behind me gasped, except for my partner in crime (who shall remain anonymous, we'll just call her "D"). "D" starting SNORTING LOUDLY AND LAUGHING HER ASS OFF!!! As I hastily pulled my pants back up, I mumbled something unintelligible but the damage was done! "D" then proceeded to walk up to the counter proclaiming loudly "I will NOT be stripping today!"

Ordinarily in my life, this would be the point where I would flee the scene and make plans to put my house on the market in order to join the witness relocation program. But instead, I laughed and joked along with the others and even lent "D" my cell phone to call her mother in NJ to share the laughs!

Something happened when I gave birth to my kids that removed a HUGE amount of my modesty forever. It must have something to do with lying with your legs spread and total strangers coming in to STICK THEIR HANDS UP YOUR HOO-HOO every 10 MINUTES that helps you shed your inhibitions. Not to mention whipping your BOOBS out in public so that said kids can have a meal every hour!

Now I can't promise that ALL my modesty is gone. I'll never be one of those women at the YMCA who prance around the locker room bareass naked (yes, THEY PRANCE!) For God's sake, there was even a hundred-year-old woman who walked from the locker to the shower COMPLETELY NAKED (actually, I'm pretty sure she SAUNTERED!) She knew she looked like a wrinkly, baggy elephant (and the site of 100-year-old bush actually made me a little nauseous, no matter how much I tried to avert my eyes!) Unless I go full bore Alzheimer's, I'll always try to wear SOMETHING!

Maybe to give the WW chicks a thrill, I'll throw on a trench coat over my bike shorts and top next week. OMG Here comes the FAT FLASHER!