Karma is a Bitch (and I love her!)

Yesterday I was waiting patiently in line at the self-checkout at my food store.  There are three self-checkouts at my store.  Two are for 15 items or less (no conveyor belt) and the third is for larger orders.  I was in the larger-order line.

The guy across from me at 15 or less was causing a backup because he had accidentally put his money in the COUPON slot...As the manager helped rectify the situation, a woman I know got into line behind him.  She was holding a bottle of chocolate syrup in one hand, and a baby in an infant carrier in the other.  We chatted for a moment and when the man finally finished his order, this OLD BAT WITH A CART FULL OF SHIT has the nerve to tell my friend that she had been waiting for a long time in the regular check-out line and could she please go AHEAD of her!

So let's recap, shall we?  My friend was waiting in a 15 items or less self-checkout line with ONE item.  This old crabby lady had been waiting in a regular check out item with a cart full of stuff.  My friend replied, "But I only have one item" as she struggled to balance the infant carrier, and the other woman just pushed ahead of her.

I told my friend she could go ahead of me in my line.  The woman ahead of me finished her order and my friend scanned her one bottle of chocolate syrup, paid in CASH and then thanked me again before she left.  In a loud voice I said "THAT'S ALL RIGHT!  YOU ONLY HAD ONE ITEM!!!"  I then scanned my items, all the while noting that not only was the old bat to my right having trouble scanning certain items, but she was rapidly running out of room in the bagging area for the items she had scanned.  Uh, hello!  That's WHY it's 15 items of less!  That's WHY my aisle has a CONVEYOR BELT!

I finished my order, bagged my items and left the store with a satisfied smirk as the woman was still scanning her items (and she still had a half-full cart).

Karma is a bitch, and I LOVE her!

Happy Mother's Day

Best Mother's Day ever!

Woke up late, enjoyed Blood Orange mimosas with my husband.  Took the kids to see Star Trek movie while eating BUTTERED movie popcorn and an ENTIRE BOX OF DOTS!

Took a nap after the movie, then my husband picked up Chinese food.  He cleaned up the kitchen while my kids presented me with their presents:  A homemade poem/picture frame and a sculpture from my 11-year old and a talking card that says "Mom, you're the BEST" from my 8-year old.  

Second best presents...the bracelet I picked out for myself and the mani/pedi gift certificate (also picked that one up myself...)

TOP THAT!

Can YOU Spot The CN Tower?

My eight-year old son and I were researching information on a project on Canada yesterday.  He wanted to include some landmarks in his project, so we did a google search for CN Tower (at one time the CN tower was the tallest building...)  Take a look at WHICH picture of the CN Tower was the top hit (needless to say, we did NOT include it in his project)

It was my eleven-year old son who suggested I put this on the blog.

All I can say is it's a good thing there's an arrow or I never would have seen the CN Tower

The Breast Day Ever!

What can you say about a day that begins with a mammogram at 6:20 a.m.? Imagine getting up at 5 a.m., still dark outside and the rest of your family sleeping peacefully in their beds, only to drive down to the medical building for the privilege of having your golden bozos manhandled and squished flat. You'd think everything after that would be a bed of roses.

However, I happened to mention to the technician (who was WAY too perky for 6:20 a.m.) that I had been having some...uh...dry skin on my...uh...center of my breast (okay, NIPPLES!) Okay, they itch like crazy! I wouldn't be too concerned about it except for the fact that I read a book where the main character dies a horrible death from Inflammatory Breast Cancer which manifests itself not in lumps but in RED, SOMETIMES ITCHY, BREASTS!

The technician suggested I check in with my doctor just to be safe. Now my favorite primary care physician left our practice and I have not yet seen my new doctor as of yet (what a nice introduction..."Hi, nice to meet you, check out my itchy nipples!") I opted to try my midwife who has done my yearly pap since the birth of my children. Sadly, she was not available and the nurse thought is best to see someone with an MD after their name. So I schlepped up to the doctor's office only to present my problem to an MD (who was, of course, a total stranger..."Hi, nice to meet you, check out my itchy nipples!)

She peeked and poked and prodded and then decided to SCRAPE OFF A SAMPLE TO VIEW UNDER A MICROSCOPE!!! If I thought having my boob squished was an unpleasant experience, it was nothing compared to having some utensil scrape dry skin off my nipple!

She thought it was strange that I would have such a condition in such an area. Typically, she said, it was something they saw in nursing mothers (ha ha!) She mentioned that I don't have it on any other part of my body, specifically in my "folds" (WTF??? I know I'm overweight but suddenly I have FOLDS?!?!?!) She prescribed antifungal cream or powder and a follow up with the dermatologist.

All in all, it was the breast day ever!

Ow

My husband and I are breaking down slowly (ok, not so slowly...) Yes, I have gained weight this past year (or two, or three) and yes I am getting older, but suddenly we're both like "Oh my knee/back/elbow." I could barely walk last week after spending 20 minutes on "Downhill Slalom" on the Wii Fit (maybe I should have stuck to hula hooping...but then I might have broken a HIP!)

I guess you go along feeling like your body will serve you well forever. Those parents and relatives and friends who complain about their aging aches and pains seem like whiners and complainers...hypochondriacs at the very least. Until those same little aches and pains start to creep up on you and suddenly you're the limping, moaning walking dead.

Suddenly it hits you. GROWING OLD REALLY SUCKS!